Just who exactly is a Morrissey fan?
An Interview with an Anonymous London Fan
I am almost his age, I share many of his childhood and teenage memories. I have two nationalities, and I don’t belong in either. Forty, clumsy and shy, I went to London and I decided to start life all over again and now I even own a home here. London has adopted me and has been quite good to me.
Why are you a loyal fan of Morrissey?
This rare combination of rebellion and kindness, desperation and humour, is what makes Morrissey so special and what makes me feel so connected to him. He makes me feel less alone. When everything falls apart, he sings me to sleep and it’s ok for life to go on. He is a true artist: He would die for what he does. I am eternally grateful for this.
What is it that resonates between you and him?
Shy, introverted, addicted to music and books, walking alone for hours on end, confused about (a)sexuality, fiercely independent, eternally lonely, at the same time deeply connected and loyal to my friends – that’s me, and that’s what he writes about, isn’t it? I also have this inherent love for words – I have a degree in literature, something completely useless, something the jobcentre person declared you mad for aspiring to. He uses simple words, sparsely, yet so deep. This is real talent. And I’m a sucker for intelligence. I never really connected with people who had fun and went out a lot – I was the one who stayed at home with her books. Weirdly though, just like him, I was never bullied, I was quite popular at school. He makes me feel normal. Oh – and I do get his humour.
How has he inspired you?
I wish I had his strength to stand up for and believe in myself. I have nothing like this. I’m not even confident enough to put my own name to this.
What is it about his songs that inspire you? Strengthen you? Entertain you?
It’s hard to explain, and maybe I should not even try to. Many of his songs are woven into my life and have a very deep meaning for me: ‘Stretch out and wait’, ‘Asleep’ and ‘Back to the old house’ are my eternal favourites. Very personal stories of love, life, abuse, death and loss are directly connected to them. And then there is ‘Now my heart is full’, ‘Rubber Ring’, ‘How soon is now’, ‘Still ill’, ‘I know it’s gonna happen someday’ – it goes on and on. It’s these words he writes that resonate with me in a way that no other artist has ever achieved; he says these things that I wish I could find such simple words for. They are in my head all the time and in so many situations are they are just there and then they are so true: A shyness that is criminally vulgar / Your face I can see, and it’s desperately kind, but what’s at the back of your mind? / I’m so glad to grow older, to move away from those awful times; I want to see all my friends tonight/ In the days when you were hopelessly poor, I just liked you more. / She needs you more than she loves you / Life tends to come and go / Sing me to sleep, I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore / Hear my voice in your head and think of me kindly / It takes strength to be gentle and kind / Are you still there or have you moved away? / Home, is it just a word, or is it something you carry within you? / For there are brighter sides to life and I should know, because I’ve seen them, but not very often / The strange logic in your clumsiest line, it stayed emblazoned on my mind / Do you recall the lengths I would go to? No mountain too high, there were miles of smiles / it’s death for no reason, and death for no reason is murder/ Friday mourning, I’m dressed in black / gasping, dying, but somehow still alive /please keep me in mind / this story is old, I know, but it goes on / Tell all of my friends, I don’t have too many / don’t rake up my mistakes, I know exactly what they are/ I’m the end of the family line.
What cause has he inspired you to pursue?
His passion for animals has a deep impact on me. I am vegetarian, almost vegan, still working on that. I try to surround myself with flowers, they make me happy. Without him, my life would be very sad because I would have never met my dearest friends and all these special, wonderful people I feel connected to because of him. Actually, without him, I would have never gotten on a plane. But that’s a long story. Without him, my life would be very different. To achieve specific aspirations connected to him I have overcome fears and pursued life-changing goals which enrich my life immensely.
Do you have a story about when you met him?
I would die if I met him. I almost died when he looked at me during a concert. I am still recovering.
Do you have a story about how you discovered him?
I didn’t grow up with his words and music, because he wasn’t there when I was young. I did spend warm summer days indoors, wrote letters to pen pals and spent a lot of time at cemeteries. I couldn’t believe someone else did that as well and would even write songs about this. I have a very clear memory of the moment when I saw ‘The boy with the thorn in his side’ on MTV Europe (that was when MTV was still cool) and saw him for the very first time. I will never forget this shirt. And this voice. And those eyes.
Have you got any tattoos that are inspired by him?
My body is a Morrissey shrine. I am not finished yet.
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Just Who Exactly Is a Morrissey Fan?
Letters to Morrissey 